Wednesday, April 24, 2013

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)


-Just Awareness-
Monday kicked off the start of National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). If you asked me a year ago what I knew about infertility, I wouldn't have been able to tell you very much. If you asked me six months ago what I knew about infertility, I would have wanted to tell you that deep down I knew there was something wrong. However, I probably said, “I’m just trying to relax, it’ll happen.” Or, “We are just going to go on vacation, it’ll for sure happen then.” Because, that is what “they” all say, right? :”Just relax, just go on vacation, just quit trying, just adopt, then you’ll get pregnant.”
                I was a part of “they” at one point. Why? Because I was unaware, I was unaware of how many people infertility affects, I was unaware of the emotional and physical toll it takes on a couple, I was unaware of what we were about to face. I like to equate the unawareness part to when I was diagnosed with diabetes. “They” all told me, “just don’t eat sugar, and your levels will be fine.” Again, I was a part of “they” because I was unaware. It now seems there is more awareness for diabetes, at least there is in my circle. I’m not sure if this is because I have tried to make more people aware, or if society has done that itself-maybe it’s both.
                One of my goals in going through IF (infertility), is to make people aware. It used to make me really upset when people would tell me to: “just relax”, or, “it could be worse”, or “just adopt”, or “just do Invitro-Fertilization.” While the “just” is never easy to hear, I have a better understanding that people are just unaware. When it come to IF, people know it is a touchy subject, and “they” just simply don’t know what to say, so they say what everyone else says. I know people are just trying to help. But, if there is more awareness, maybe “they” we, would know how to approach the topic of Infertility in a more accepting, and sensitive way. I have had diabetes for ten years, and I haven’t heard, “just don’t eat sugar” in a long time! J I am very grateful for this week, and it will be my lifelong goal to continue to educate people on the Infertility issue in our nation!
Now, on to one other area I would like to address about myself.  –Strength-
Webster defines strength as: the quality or state of being strong: Capacity for exertion or endurance. There have been many people in the last three months tell me that I’m so strong. I’m not. God is. God gives me strength EVERYDAY! There are some days that I just do not feel strong, there are days I don’t want to be strong, and there are days I have pretended to be strong. Those days, (which are daily) God says: “Monica, I’m strong enough for both of us.” That is when I say, “ OK Lord, I’m giving this to you.” I have to do this daily, more than once a day!
                Like I said, this is the hardest thing Paul and I have ever been through. It has shaken us to the core, but at church Sunday, we both felt like the sermon was written for us; it was truly amazing! The scripture was James 1:1-12. “Count it all Joy.” While this is not an easy thing to do, we know and feel in our hearts that this is what The Lord would have us do. We are both confident there are great things to come from all of this, and I’m talking about more than a child of our own; we know that is going to happen! We have already seen God working in our lives and we know there are many more great things to come. We are so excited to see God’s magnificent plan unfold!!
                Thank you all for your continued prayers, support, and words of encouragement. I would like to close this post with a link to the song, “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. I think it’s pretty fitting right now. 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A long time coming....

Wow! It's been a while since I wrote last, didn't really realize it was that long ago. I last wrote only 4 days post surgery....I meant EVERY word I typed, but, I was obviously on pain meds!

So, in case you didn't read the last blog...I had to have my Fallopian Tubes removed, they were so filled with "junk/fluid/endometriosis, that it was the best thing for our future. Yeah, this totally sucks! I can't get pregnant naturally. Ever. This has been the most heart breaking, earth shattering news I have ever had! EVER! I feel like a piece of me died, and it actually did. I think I've been avoiding this blog post, because I've been putting off this news, I thought that if I didn't "type it" into my blog, that it wasn't real. I have told people what is going on, I'm very open and honest if you come right out and ask me, but, this is the first time I've actually written this all the way out. It has taken me a while to write this, becuase it is still very raw to cope with. The more I talk about it, the more it becomes so real! Many people think I'm so strong, but I get my strength from The Lord!! Somedays I'm stronger than others, but I'm so thankful I have The Lord on my side!! I'm so thankful for everyone who prayed for me during surgery, and beyond! Please, keep those prayers coming!! I/we need them! If this blog seems random and out of the blue, well, it probably is. I don't think too clear these days, we have a lot going on right now, so, please don't judge! Just like the title says, "a long time coming" this can be interpreted in more ways than one! Answers has been 'a long time coming' truth has been 'a long time coming'. There are A LOT of people that do not understand infertility!  I was one of them!! I had no idea how many people infertilty effects! According to my clinic, Texas Fertility Clinic, Infertility affects 1 out of 7 couples! Until now, for me, it's been a topic that has been "hush, hush!" Infertilty has been something that no one wants to talk about. This is a big problem people!! Do you know at least 7 couples? You most likely do....and at least one of them is struggling with having a family!!! There needs to me more awareness about infertility, but that is not what this blog is about. Actually, I'm not quite sure what this blog is about. I feel like I'm rambling, and I still want to put some "stuff" on this blog.....so, here's the "stuff"
What NOT to say to an infertlile: please visit this website!
http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

So, the elephant in the room: babies....I love babies! Right now, however, I'm afraid to hold them, or even talk abou them. I'm afraid of just breaking down, and not able to control myself! I broke down Palm Sunday! Having all those babies around me was just too much! So, if I'm around your baby, and I don't hold him/her, please don't think I'm not happy for you...I truly am!!! I just don't want to minimaze any feelings anyone else may have.  All I can think about when I see a baby is:, "that should be my baby walking through here!" and "that should be my baby I'm getting an Easter outfit." Everything has neen pretty hard! There are many things that have tried to consume my life. I know God has a plan, I know I may not see it now, but I know He is there! I honestly can't wait to see what the future has in store for me and our children!
So, I'm pretty sure this blog has been complete randomness, and I really hope this makes sense. I know a lot of you have not wanted to ask questions, but I'm always open to any questions you may have.