A long time coming....

Wow! It's been a while since I wrote last, didn't really realize it was that long ago. I last wrote only 4 days post surgery....I meant EVERY word I typed, but, I was obviously on pain meds!

So, in case you didn't read the last blog...I had to have my Fallopian Tubes removed, they were so filled with "junk/fluid/endometriosis, that it was the best thing for our future. Yeah, this totally sucks! I can't get pregnant naturally. Ever. This has been the most heart breaking, earth shattering news I have ever had! EVER! I feel like a piece of me died, and it actually did. I think I've been avoiding this blog post, because I've been putting off this news, I thought that if I didn't "type it" into my blog, that it wasn't real. I have told people what is going on, I'm very open and honest if you come right out and ask me, but, this is the first time I've actually written this all the way out. It has taken me a while to write this, becuase it is still very raw to cope with. The more I talk about it, the more it becomes so real! Many people think I'm so strong, but I get my strength from The Lord!! Somedays I'm stronger than others, but I'm so thankful I have The Lord on my side!! I'm so thankful for everyone who prayed for me during surgery, and beyond! Please, keep those prayers coming!! I/we need them! If this blog seems random and out of the blue, well, it probably is. I don't think too clear these days, we have a lot going on right now, so, please don't judge! Just like the title says, "a long time coming" this can be interpreted in more ways than one! Answers has been 'a long time coming' truth has been 'a long time coming'. There are A LOT of people that do not understand infertility!  I was one of them!! I had no idea how many people infertilty effects! According to my clinic, Texas Fertility Clinic, Infertility affects 1 out of 7 couples! Until now, for me, it's been a topic that has been "hush, hush!" Infertilty has been something that no one wants to talk about. This is a big problem people!! Do you know at least 7 couples? You most likely do....and at least one of them is struggling with having a family!!! There needs to me more awareness about infertility, but that is not what this blog is about. Actually, I'm not quite sure what this blog is about. I feel like I'm rambling, and I still want to put some "stuff" on this blog.....so, here's the "stuff"
What NOT to say to an infertlile: please visit this website!
http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

So, the elephant in the room: babies....I love babies! Right now, however, I'm afraid to hold them, or even talk abou them. I'm afraid of just breaking down, and not able to control myself! I broke down Palm Sunday! Having all those babies around me was just too much! So, if I'm around your baby, and I don't hold him/her, please don't think I'm not happy for you...I truly am!!! I just don't want to minimaze any feelings anyone else may have.  All I can think about when I see a baby is:, "that should be my baby walking through here!" and "that should be my baby I'm getting an Easter outfit." Everything has neen pretty hard! There are many things that have tried to consume my life. I know God has a plan, I know I may not see it now, but I know He is there! I honestly can't wait to see what the future has in store for me and our children!
So, I'm pretty sure this blog has been complete randomness, and I really hope this makes sense. I know a lot of you have not wanted to ask questions, but I'm always open to any questions you may have.