tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22119533501171895612024-03-14T00:42:45.268-07:00Farmer's FaithAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-60205263013723010692014-01-14T07:50:00.000-08:002014-01-14T07:50:06.863-08:0030 weeks and 2 days! OK, first of all, I apologize for not updating this sooner, but life has been pretty crazy!! I am 30 weeks and 2 days pregnant! I cannot believe how fast this is all going!! It seems like yesterday that I announced we were expecting, and now we are putting the final touches on the nursery, and thinking about what to pack in hospital "go bag." I'm sure you have kept up with me on Facebook, but so far, this has been a fairly easy pregnancy. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but I don't think it's been too bad, and I actually like being pregnant! I had all day morning sickness the first 4 months, but, I really didn't mind because every time I got sick, I was just reminded of the miracle growing strong and healthy inside of me.<br />
I'm feeling Luke kick like crazy, and LOVE it!!! Some women say it creeps them out, but I think it's just incredible!! He is a bit stubborn already though. When I tell Paul or friends and family that he is kicking, when they go to put their hand on my belly to feel, he usually stops. It's kind of funny, and I wonder if that is a sign of his personality coming out already.<br />Last week, while I was at home for my grandma's funeral, I was laying on the bean bag in my mom and dad's living room, and told my sister that he was kicking. She ran over, put her hand on my belly, and he stopped. I told her just to leave her hand there for a little bit. She did, and a few minutes later he gave her a big ole' swift kick to the hand! Her eyes got really big, and she was like, "that was hard!" We both agreed he was like "fine! but this is it, now leave me alone and let me sleep!" It was funny, but I'm so glad she was able to feel him.<br />
I guess the only thing I have to complain about is lack of good sleep. I've never really been a good sleeper, but now it's especially difficult. But, like my mom said, it's just God preparing me for those late night feedings, and motherhood in general.<br />
I go to the doctor this Wednesday and will get another sonogram. I can't wait to see how much our little man has grown! According to all of the "how big is baby" apps, he is about the size of a head of lettuce, about 18 inches long, and 3.5 pounds. I can't believe he will double his weight in 2 months!! Speaking of 2 months.....that's all we have left (or less) until we meet sweet Luke! I have a countdown on my phone, and it is 60 days today until March 16th!! I can't believe it! EEEK I'm so excited!!!<br />
There are many things I lay awake and think about (when I can't sleep) like, who he will look like. What color of eyes and hair will he have? Whose lips and nose will he get? I had a dream a few weeks ago that he had hair like my dads...a lot of it and really dark!! In fact, he had so much that the first thing I said when they handed him to me was, "OMG, he needs a haircut!" LOL Now, I hope those won't be my first words about my baby, but I thought the dream was funny. My mom had the same kind of dream about what his hair looked like!<br />
Well, that's all I can think of for now, I'll try to be better about updating the blog. I hope you all have a blessed day!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-6384839202973097152013-09-05T13:35:00.002-07:002013-09-05T13:35:57.397-07:00Happy Birthday, Paul!This blog post is dedicated to my hubby, Paul!<br />
<br />I really don't even know where to begin. This is the sixth birthday I have spent with this man, and I have to say, I love him more today than I did six years ago! I honestly didn't think that was possible, but, it's true!<br />
Paul is probably rolling his eyes right now because he is the most humble person I know, and doesn't like all of this attention. Well, sorry babe, the spotlight is on YOU today! :)<br />
<br />
I guess I'll tell you why I love Paul Farmer so much. He is smart, funny, handsome, TALL ;), he's easy going, and strong. Paul is sensitive, compassionate, and has motivation. Paul is a hard worker, and just plain fun to be around. He's quite most of the time, but boy can he make me laugh!<br />
But, most importantly, he is a man of God.<br />
<br />
When I met Paul almost seven years ago, I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him that there was something special about him. He was different from any other guy I knew. He was honest, caring, and again, a man of God, and he wasn't ashamed to share it!<br />
<br />
Today, on your birthday, I want you to know how special you are to me, Paul Daniel. I thank God every single day that He made you for me.<br />
<br />
I can't wait to see you as the father of our child, and spend many, many more birthdays with you!!<br />
<br />
With all my love,<br />
MonicaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-75587878080264852092013-08-12T11:38:00.002-07:002013-08-12T11:38:46.751-07:00Plans<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Well, well, well. I haven't updated the blog since May! Oops!
Sorry about that! I've been pretty busy! The end of school is always so crazy, and
then we went on a couple of vacations. We went to Washington D.C and Nashville,
and both were so much fun! This summer was a summer that was definitely
"planned." (more on our summer plans later.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> I have always been one
to plan everything I can. I planned what I wanted to do with my life, I planned
our wedding, I plan vacations, dinner menus, even outfits for work. Well, all
of my planning came crashing down on me a few months ago. As you may remember,
Paul and I "planned" on starting a family after we had been married
for five years. However, I always had in the back of my mind that it may take
us longer, so we started trying for a family a little before our four year
anniversary. Like I said, our plans were shattered when we were told in
February we would never be able to conceive a child naturally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> You see, I learned
that our plans are not always what is best. But you know whose plan<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>is</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>best? God's. Always, without a doubt,
never failing, His plan is ALWAYS perfect! Perfect timing, and perfect in what
His will is for us, if we just let go of our plans, and give it all over to
Him! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">OK, back to our plans this summer, if you
recall, the only option for us to have a child of our own is through
Invitro-Fertilization (IVF). We knew we would be going through this process
this summer. This is something we prayed about heavily, and really felt led to
start the process in the summer. IVF is not for the faint of heart. I started
with medication in late May, and by the middle of June, I was going in every
three days for ultrasounds and blood work. I was driving an hour one-way to go
to these appointments. We felt since I'm a teacher, and have the summer off,
this would be the best option for us at this time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> There is a lot that
goes into the process, and I'll explain more in-depth in a later post, but I'll
give you the abbreviated version. After being on the fertility drugs for about
3 1/2 weeks, Paul and I went in on June 30th for the egg retrieval. Three days
later, on July 3rd, we did the embryo transfer. We had three embryos initially,
but we felt led to only transfer one. I'm already high-risk because of my
diabetes, and we didn't want to put any more stress on my body. So, after the
transfer, I was sent home to rest. We had to turn several people down for July
4th plans, and know you know why; I was trying to grow a baby. I rested quite a
bit longer than my doctor told me I had to, but I figured since I'm home, why
not? What is it going to hurt? So, after July 3rd, we just had to wait. Just
like any normal couple trying to conceive, I had to wait about 10 days to find
out if we had a positive test. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> On July 13th, I went
to Austin to have my blood drawn. This was a very important blood draw because
it would tell us if we had a BFP (Big Fat Positive) or BFN (Big Fat Negative).
So, I left the house at 7:00 to get to the lab by 8:00, I was home by 9:00.
Then, we had to wait..some more! God has really taught me a lot about this
whole waiting thing. Anyways, I had specific instructions from my Dr.'s office
to call the on-call nurse after 1:30. Well, at 1:31, I made the call. Of
course, it's a pager and I had to wait for her to call me back. It took her
almost an hour to call me back! It was the longest hour ever for us!!<br />
<br />
This is how the conversation went:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Me: Hello<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Pam(the nurse): Hi Monica, this is Pam,
it's a positive! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Me: Um, are you serious, really? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Pam: Yes! Your levels look really good and
are promising to be a strong pregnancy!<br />
Me: umm, ok umm thank you!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">She then gave me instructions to continue
some of the medications I was already on, and to go in on Monday for another
blood test. This test is referred to as a BETA, and they want your numbers to
at least double in a 48 hour period. So, I went in on Monday, the 15th, and my
BETA went from 55 to 111! I was officially pregnant! Paul and I just hugged
each other, cried, and praised God!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">This was news we had prayed for and wished
for and dreamed about for so long! And, we give ALL the glory to God!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">We told our families that day, and they
were over the moon excited! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So, what have we been up to since July?
Well, we went in on July 29th for our first u/s. We got to see and hear the baby's
heartbeat, and it was the BEST thing I have ever heard in my entire life!! The
heartbeat was beating at 109 BPM. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Today, we went to our second u/s and heard
the heartbeat again! Again, best sound ever! The heartbeat was 167 BPM!!! Any
guesses on if it's a boy or girl?! Today was bitter sweet, however. I have been
under the care of my Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Burger at the Texas
Fertility Clinic since February. She is absolutely amazing! Well, today we
"graduated" to a regular OB/GYN! I cried hard core in the exam room,
and told her what a God send she has been! I thought she was going to start
crying too. She gave us a big ole' Texas size hug, and told us to come back
when we were ready for our second!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So, the baby is the size of a raspberry
now; he/she should be making his/her appearance into this world sometime around
March 23rd!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I just want to take this time to thank
each and every one of you for your prayers and concerns. It means so much to
Paul and me! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
I'm so happy to be writing this blog, but I just want to reiterate that we give
ALL the Glory to God!!! His plans are always perfect, in
every.single.way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">God is good all the time; all the time God
is good! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the <span class="small-caps"><span style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span></span>,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future." --Jeremiah 29:11</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixW4paZ91mbPhO8uGLdybdetroZyWpbiHxYOyzQrG8WXLuNgVDsZPEYPs-qMDXdj2KvLPbcii7DzGeQfri9Kiu55PpWQjva4JXECpFPgKFewZi6luHcCc37dUZyz8Ljnh34urWt_vImwY/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixW4paZ91mbPhO8uGLdybdetroZyWpbiHxYOyzQrG8WXLuNgVDsZPEYPs-qMDXdj2KvLPbcii7DzGeQfri9Kiu55PpWQjva4JXECpFPgKFewZi6luHcCc37dUZyz8Ljnh34urWt_vImwY/s320/photo.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Times, serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"> This is our sweet little Raspberry! </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-85812471727630017842013-05-11T20:21:00.001-07:002013-05-11T20:21:18.095-07:00All about MY mom!I just want to say a little bit about my Momma in honor of Mother's Day weekend. This blog in no way does justice, or even hits the surface of how highly I think of my beautiful mom! She is smart, beautiful, and wise. She has taught me about God, love, and life. She loves my daddy with her whole heart, and in return taught me how to love my husband the way a wife should. She put up with me through the most difficult years of <strike>my</strike> her life; the teenage years. She took care of me when I was sick; she was at EVERY school event: school parties, basketball games, track meets, FCCLA events, proms, homecomings, and more! She was about 85% responsible in planning and implementing the details of our wedding. She takes care of our sweet dog Miley so Paul and I can travel and see the world.<br />
You see, mothering doesn't stop when your child turns 18. Yes, they may be an adult, but a child will ALWAYS need their mom! I honestly don't know where I would be right now if it wasn't for her. She STILL checks on me, worries about me, and loves me unconditionally! My mom is the most selfless person I know; she is the strongest person I know;she is the most beautiful person I know inside and out!<br />
<br />
Mom,<br />
I am forever grateful for your undying love and support you have shown me the last 28 years! I know I can ALWAYS count on you to love me and support me no matter what may come my way! You are a true example of what a mom should be, and I hope and pray I can be just half the mom you are to my children someday.<br />Momma: God made you my mom, LOVE made us best friends!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE_M5nlFqROeqoJ7Mpsp_yYnflwrGuPKmx03_SpBW8DU1kUq_5ka8KnsNvDPZLF3o8XgZbyaTiPkMqZrxzt0K1IAbScbrnAvRyh2G0AfnG_PqCucK8qgwyOvCy-C54DMCq7jFd3l8aUZs/s1600/memom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE_M5nlFqROeqoJ7Mpsp_yYnflwrGuPKmx03_SpBW8DU1kUq_5ka8KnsNvDPZLF3o8XgZbyaTiPkMqZrxzt0K1IAbScbrnAvRyh2G0AfnG_PqCucK8qgwyOvCy-C54DMCq7jFd3l8aUZs/s1600/memom.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUvELJ5IgDslGFvuqm7_r4lMM0smjoCL7fUBwX8UyU2jIILFRvHdM3j6DATBGoNU9o1M1Z_quu4hldjXfiFALx3xkmqlw5Fuj8oZuJgq1OyPmzux5CQ6xQyfzHSWmN0CxJyDekiJFl5E/s1600/memomhugg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZUvELJ5IgDslGFvuqm7_r4lMM0smjoCL7fUBwX8UyU2jIILFRvHdM3j6DATBGoNU9o1M1Z_quu4hldjXfiFALx3xkmqlw5Fuj8oZuJgq1OyPmzux5CQ6xQyfzHSWmN0CxJyDekiJFl5E/s1600/memomhugg.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-31419879422798750602013-04-24T13:30:00.000-07:002013-04-24T13:30:55.498-07:00National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u>-<i>Just </i>Awareness-<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Monday kicked off the start of
National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). If you asked me a year ago what I
knew about infertility, I wouldn't have been able to tell you very much. If you
asked me six months ago what I knew about infertility, I would have <i>wanted </i>to tell you that deep down I knew
there was something wrong. However, I probably said, “I’m <i>just </i>trying to relax, it’ll happen.” Or, “We are <i>just </i>going to go on vacation, it’ll for
sure happen then.” Because, that is what “they”<i> </i>all say, right? :”<i>Just</i>
relax, <i>just</i> go on vacation, <i>just</i> quit trying,<i> just</i> adopt, then you’ll get pregnant.”<br />
I <i>was</i> a part of “they” at one point. Why? Because I was unaware, I
was <i>unaware</i> of how many people
infertility affects, I was <i>unaware </i>of
the emotional and physical toll it takes on a couple, I was <i>unaware</i> of what we were about to face. I
like to equate the unawareness part to when I was diagnosed with diabetes.
“They” all told me, “<i>just </i>don’t eat
sugar, and your levels will be fine.” Again, I was a part of “they” because I
was unaware. It now seems there is more awareness for diabetes, at least there
is in my circle. I’m not sure if this is because I have tried to make more
people aware, or if society has done that itself-maybe it’s both. <br />
One of my goals in going
through IF (infertility), is to make people aware. It used to make me really
upset when people would tell me to: “<i>just
</i>relax”, or, “it could be worse”, or “<i>just
</i>adopt”, or “<i>just </i>do
Invitro-Fertilization.” While the “just” is never easy to hear, I have a better
understanding that people are <i>just </i>unaware.
When it come to IF, people know it is a touchy subject, and “they” just simply
don’t know what to say, so they say what everyone else says. I know people are <i>just</i> trying to help. But, if there is
more awareness, maybe <s>“they”</s> we, would know how to approach the topic of
Infertility in a more accepting, and sensitive way. I have had diabetes for ten
years, and I haven’t heard, “<i>just</i>
don’t eat sugar” in a long time! <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>
I am very grateful for this week, and it will be my lifelong goal to continue
to educate people on the Infertility issue in our nation!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Now, on to one other area I would
like to address about myself. –Strength-
<br />
Webster defines strength as: the quality or state of being strong: Capacity for
exertion or endurance. There have been many people in the last three months
tell me that I’m so strong. I’m not. God is. God gives me strength EVERYDAY!
There are some days that I just do not feel strong, there are days I don’t <i>want</i> to be strong, and there are days I
have pretended to be strong. Those days, (which are daily) God says: “Monica,
I’m strong <b>enough</b> for both of us.”
That is when I say, “ OK Lord, I’m giving this to you.” I have to do this daily,
more than once a day! <br />
Like I said, this is the
hardest thing Paul and I have <b>ever </b>been
through. It has shaken us to the core, but at church Sunday, we both felt like
the sermon was written for us; it was truly amazing! The scripture was James
1:1-12. “Count it all Joy.” While this is not an easy thing to do, we know and
feel in our hearts that this is what The Lord would have us do. We are both
confident there are great things to come from all of this, and I’m talking
about more than a child of our own; we know that is going to happen! We have
already seen God working in our lives and we know there are many more great
things to come. We are so excited to see God’s magnificent plan unfold!!<br />
Thank you all for your
continued prayers, support, and words of encouragement. I would like to close
this post with a link to the song, “Strong Enough” by Matthew West. I think
it’s pretty fitting right now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ">"Strong Enough" By:Matthew West</a><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ">http ://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ</a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-90712553251897444142013-04-09T21:17:00.001-07:002013-04-09T21:17:32.642-07:00A long time coming....Wow! It's been a while since I wrote last, didn't really realize it was that long ago. I last wrote only 4 days post surgery....I meant EVERY word I typed, but, I was obviously on pain meds! <br />
<br />
So, in case you didn't read the last blog...I had to have my Fallopian Tubes removed, they were so filled with "junk/fluid/endometriosis, that it was the best thing for our future. Yeah, this totally sucks! I can't get pregnant naturally. Ever. This has been the most heart breaking, earth shattering news I have ever had! EVER! I feel like a piece of me died, and it actually did. I think I've been avoiding this blog post, because I've been putting off this news, I thought that if I didn't "type it" into my blog, that it wasn't real. I have told people what is going on, I'm very open and honest if you come right out and ask me, but, this is the first time I've actually written this all the way out. It has taken me a while to write this, becuase it is still very raw to cope with. The more I talk about it, the more it becomes so real! Many people think I'm so strong, but I get my strength from The Lord!! Somedays I'm stronger than others, but I'm so thankful I have The Lord on my side!! I'm so thankful for everyone who prayed for me during surgery, and beyond! Please, keep those prayers coming!! I/we need them! If this blog seems random and out of the blue, well, it probably is. I don't think too clear these days, we have a lot going on right now, so, please don't judge! Just like the title says, "a long time coming" this can be interpreted in more ways than one! Answers has been 'a long time coming' truth has been 'a long time coming'. There are A LOT of people that do not understand infertility! I was one of them!! I had no idea how many people infertilty effects! According to my clinic, Texas Fertility Clinic, Infertility affects 1 out of 7 couples! Until now, for me, it's been a topic that has been "hush, hush!" Infertilty has been something that no one wants to talk about. This is a big problem people!! Do you know at least 7 couples? You most likely do....and at least one of them is struggling with having a family!!! There needs to me more awareness about infertility, but that is not what this blog is about. Actually, I'm not quite sure what this blog is about. I feel like I'm rambling, and I still want to put some "stuff" on this blog.....so, here's the "stuff"<br />
What NOT to say to an infertlile: please visit this website! <br />
<a href="http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html">http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html</a><br />
<br />
So, the elephant in the room: babies....I love babies! Right now, however, I'm afraid to hold them, or even talk abou them. I'm afraid of just breaking down, and not able to control myself! I broke down Palm Sunday! Having all those babies around me was just too much! So, if I'm around your baby, and I don't hold him/her, please don't think I'm not happy for you...I truly am!!! I just don't want to minimaze any feelings anyone else may have. All I can think about when I see a baby is:, "that should be my baby walking through here!" and "that should be my baby I'm getting an Easter outfit." Everything has neen pretty hard! There are many things that have tried to consume my life. I know God has a plan, I know I may not see it now, but I know He is there! I honestly can't wait to see what the future has in store for me and our children! <br />So, I'm pretty sure this blog has been complete randomness, and I really hope this makes sense. I know a lot of you have not wanted to ask questions, but I'm always open to any questions you may have. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-43184766222896004422013-02-19T09:32:00.000-08:002013-02-19T09:32:05.878-08:00Another HurdleI had the Laparoscopy surgery on Friday, the 15th to see if they could repair the blocked Fallopian tubes. Paul, and my mom and dad were all at the surgery center, and were with me the whole time until the wheeled me back for surgery. The surgery took a little over 2 hours. When I woke up in recovery, they asked if I wanted to see Paul, and of course, I did! He came over to my side, grabbed my hand, and kissed my forehead. I asked what they did, and he said, "we'll talk about it later." I said, "they took them didn't they?" I knew instantly. I think I honestly knew on Wednesday at our pre-op appointment what the results would be. I don't know how, I can't describe it, but I just knew. But, it was confirmed on Friday. I am a 28 year old woman with no Fallopian tubes. As I sit here writing this, it seems so surreal; it has been very hard for me to wrap my head around all of this.<br />Now, I know some of you are saying to yourself, "Oh, well, it's not that big of a deal, you can just do IVF, right?" The answer is: yes, I am a great canditate for IVF..but it's not "just do IVF" there is A LOT that goes into the IVF process, lots of medicnes, lots of money, lots of monitoring, lots of poking and prodding.... We have an appointment witht our specialist in a couple of weeks, and we will get more information at that time. In the mean time, I am praying for peace and understanding. <br />
<br />
I am so, so, SO very grateful for my amazing husband!! He has been my ROCK, and my soft place to land! I love him more today than I did the day I married him; I'm not quite sure how that is possible, but our God is amazing! I'm thankful for my parents and my sisters, they all have been there to support us through it all, and I love them so much! Thanks so much to everyone! I can feel all of your prayers, and appreciate all the texts, calls, and more!!<br /><br />Like Paul told me in recovery, this is just another hurdle.....I think I told him I'm tired of hurdles, if I didn't say it, I meant to! But, I know God has a reason for this, and I just keep my mind on the finish line...."our baby!" <br />
~Jeremiah 29:11-13~Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-37744744244816124872013-01-28T18:59:00.001-08:002013-01-28T18:59:58.942-08:00AnswersWell, the last time I left you all, (can I say all? Do I have more than one follower?Mom/sister....are y'all the only ones?! LOL) I mentioned that Paul and I were, and have been trying for a family. We have been trying for about a year and a half now. Let me just start with this.......this is a REALLY hard blog to post. I know I'm putting it all on the line, and out there, and I'm prepared for any and all responses...but please be sensitive, as this is a very sensitive matter. I have always felt better when I write, and so why not document this journey that I KNOW God wants us to be on! So, here goes, from the beginning. <br />
Paul and I met in October of 2006. It was at a Relay for Life Event that I was Co-Chair of. Paul was in the band we had play(we had a mutual friend) we literally had a whirlwind romance!! (you can Private Message me if you want all the details :)) We started dating in January, engaged by May, and Married 08-11-07. Paul is, without a doubt the love of my life...you already know this if you know us. We always said that we wanted to wait about 5 years before we started a family. We wanted time for Us especially since we didn't "date" a long time. And we have seen and done a lot, and I'm so appreciative, and grateful for those opportunities! However, at about the 4 year mark, I told Paul I really felt like we should start trying. I wanted to make sure everything was OK. I had in the back of my mind, that we may have a hard time...and boy was that intuition correct! <br />
Fast forward to.....Monday January 21st...(OK, technically, that is rewinding, but I'm trying to get you all caught up..bare with me!)<br />
OK-- The 21st, my OBGYN scheduled an HSG..if you don't know what this is, you can find it here <a href="http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590">http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590</a> We were very nervous, but excited to be finding out some answers. Did I mention we have been trying since about August of 2011? OK, so I had the procedure done, and the radiologist said my left Fallopian tube was blocked, and a day later my OBGYN confirmed. So, here we are, not great news, but not terrible! I spent this whole week going through so many emotions! Mostly, hopeful and positive...my parents came down, which was a HUGE stress reliever, and distraction, because we had an appointment with a fertility specialist on 1-28-13 Now, it's the evening of 1-28-13...so the news was not as we had hoped! Instead of one blocked Fallopian tube, they are both blocked! The fertility Dr. (who we loved) said I needed to do have a surgery called Laproscopy to see if there was anyway the Fallopian Tubes could be repaired. She said the chances of this are slim, and that our next step would be IVF. <br />
I will (try) to keep everyone posted through the Blog....<br />
I never in a million years thought I would be here in my life! I always had in the back of my mind that I would have a hard time since I was diabetic, but I never imagined it would be like this...but... I DO know God has a plan for us...and I can't wait to see what He has in store! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-77250314867553394352012-11-05T09:58:00.001-08:002012-11-05T09:58:25.134-08:00It Is Well (**Disclaimer: This is the third of three blogs! This is the first one I've published! Please go read the first two so this one will make sense.)<br />
Well, it's been a couple of months! I was going to try and blog at least once a month, but I missed October! Here's a little catch up: School has been crazy busy! But, at least that makes the year go by quickly..(not that I want it to) Anyways, I turned another year older! 28! EEKK! My actual birth DAY was terrible! Paul was sick, I had to attend a workshop in Austin by myself, I got pulled over, and got a ticket on the way home! Did you know it is illegal to stay in the far left lane on the TOLL ROAD if you aren't passing? Yeah, me neither! Anywho....The rest of the week turned out great! I have great friends, family, and students that all made it special for me! Paul took me to the iPic movie theatre at The Domain. Let me just say, we don't go to the movies often, but from now on, we will patroning this place! It was amazing! Thanks Paul, you once again have spoiled me! But, isn't that what you promised my Daddy you would do? ;) <br />
I was able to attend the Women of Faith Conference in San Antonio with my amazing mom and sister! We had a terrific time, and the Lord really spoke to me while I was there. He taught me to quit being so selfish! I realized this world is not about me! It is about Him, and doing things according to HIS will! Not mine! I'm going to be really, brutally honest here...that is what a blog is all about, right? Well, I don't know if anyone noticed, but I took about a three week hiatus from Facebook. I did this because I felt like this is what God wanted me to do. It seemed like every time I logged on, I was seeing things that made me jealous, made me doubt the Lord, made me worry, it made me have feelings I KNEW I shouldn't have had. So, I took a time-out so that I could focus on the things The Lord wanted me to see. He showed me many things in this short time. He showed me that HE is in control, that it's OK to have certain feelings, but not to dwell on them! It's OK to ASK Him for healing and help. That is exactly what I did! I laid it all out on the table, well, really the alter...literally! I surrendered to what God's will is for me, and if that means not having a baby of my own, I'm OK with that. We're not giving up! Paul and I both are looking to the Lord for what His will is in our lives. But, just like the song we sang at church yesterday, It Is Well. It is well with my soul. I do have faith however, that God does have the perfect Farmer baby just for us! He is just waiting for the exact, perfect moment to bless us! God's timing is perfect. That is so reassuring to me! I'm not perfect, I'm still a work in progress, but it's so comforting to know that the Lord hasn't given up on me, I'm NOT going to give up on Him!!!! <br />
<div style="text-align: center;">It is well, it is well with my soul! </div><div style="text-align: center;">The following video is one I found on YouTube. It is not a professional taping, and I have no credit to this video.</div><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FxbXeOsbZ50?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-68252862907207477372012-09-04T19:53:00.001-07:002012-09-04T19:53:25.397-07:00I Need Thee....EVERY hour!Well, I guess it is apparent that God really speaks to me through music. Paul is working late tonight, and I'm trying to relax after a long day at work! I left for work at 7:00 this morning, and didn't get home until almost 8:00. I sat down on the couch thinking watching "my shows" would relax me, but I just couldn't turn off my brain. So, I went to my trusty iPhone, and turned on my music. The album that was playing was by a guy named Jadon Lavik. I scrolled through the songs on this album, and decided I wanted to hear "Turn Your Eyes", and wow!! Oh, soul are you weary and troubled? Yes, we all are! But when we <br />
Turn our Eyes upon Jesus, and look FULL in his wonderful face, <br />
the things of earth will grow strangely dim <br />
in the light of His GLORY and GRACE!! <br />
See, that is what God promises!! His Glory and Grace, if we turn our eyes upon HIM!!!<br />
I have been struggling with some "friend" issues in the past couple of days. Nothing between me and the friend, but between friends....make sense? LOL, anyways, I'm not the confrontational kind of gal, but I am the peacemaker type of gal.(I could never be in The Hunger Games) And, when I feel like I can't "fix" something I get stressed, worried, anxious, and close to a panic attack..see, there I go again trying to "fix" things!! Well, there goes God again, telling me to Turn my Eyes Upon Him, and Surrender ALL to Him! He WILL fix this, in His way, and His timing. I just have to give it all to Him, and through His glory and grace all will be OK! <br />In case you are wondering what I'm listening to tonight, it is Jadon Lavik; Roots Run Deep. Go download it...Like..NOW! Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2211953350117189561.post-18868441968651970582012-08-19T19:09:00.002-07:002012-08-19T19:09:32.153-07:00Well, this is my first time to blog, so, be patient with me. I think I may have tried it before, but not sure that I actually published anything. So...here goes....<br />
As most of you that are reading this know, Paul and I just celebrated our five year wedding anniversary!! I know! I can't believe it either. Five years ago, when Paul and I took the vow to be huband and wife, and to start this life that God had placed before us together, we were so very happy. And...five years later, we are even happier than I could have ever imagined. Now, I'm not saying we haven't had our differences, but, I know WITHOUT a doubt; Paul is the man God made for me! <br />Ok, ok, enough of the sappy stuff. :) Not only did Paul and I vow our love, and commitment for each other five years ago, but, we also said that we would start trying to have children when we had been married for five years. Of course, being the impatient person I am (I'm working on that) I wanted to try sooner. So, a little over a year ago, we stopped "not preventing." I sit here five years, one week, and one day into our marriage, and no baby. I have felt sorry for myself, I have questioned God, I have been bitter, angry, sad, confused, and hopless. I have faith, and I believe this will happen in God's timing. However, it is much easier said than done. I go through so many emotions on any given day. Some days, I'm fine, some days I feel sorry for myself. Like I said, this has been a roller coaster for me. But, this morning in church, we watched Louie Giglio's Symphony video. At first, I really didn't think the message was for me, until I heard Chris Tomlin's song, "I Lift My Hands" Now, I have heard this song many times before, I'm a big Chris Tomlin fan ( I saw him back in 1998 in Archer City, TX....oh sorry, my ADD is kicking in...) Like I said I have heard this song many times, but this morning, it really, really spoke to me....here are the lyrics: <br />
<br />
<div align="center">
<em>Be still, there is a healer<br />His love is deeper than the sea<br />His mercy, it is unfailing<br />His arms are a fortress for the weak</em><br /><br /><em>Let faith arise<br />Let faith arise<br /><br />I lift my hands to believe again<br />You are my refuge, You are my strength<br />As I pour out my heart, these things I remember<br />You are faithful, God, forever<br /><br />Be still, there is a river<br />That flows from Calvary's tree<br />A fountain for the thirsty<br />Pure grace that washes over me<br /><br />So let faith arise<br />Let faith arise<br />Open my eyes<br />Open my eyes<br /><br />I lift my hands to believe again<br />You are my refuge, You are my strength<br />As I pour out my heart, these things I remember<br />You are faithful, God<br />You are faithful, God, forever</em></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="left">
WOW!!! Are you in tears as I was when you really listen, and read the lyrics? Let them speak to you.....go ahead, go on over to youtube so you can really hear the song..... <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX2s1Ptar4Y">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX2s1Ptar4Y</a> look! I even posted the link... you're welcome. :) I think the line: </div>
<div align="left">
<em><strong>I lift my hands to believe again</strong></em><br /><em>You are my refuge, You are my strength<br />As I pour out my heart, these things I remember<br />You are faithful, God, forever</em></div>
<div align="left">
Is what really, really spoke to me. See, I have a pretty strong personality. If you are really close to me, this comes as no suprise. So, I often find myself being able to handle everything on my own, well..."thinking" I can handle everything on my own. But you know, what? I can't!! As I sit here and <em>pour out all of these things to you</em>,( I have also poured these things out to the Lord) I hope you remeber, as I was once again reminded this morning, God is our refuge HE is our strength! God is faithful, FOREVER!!!! <br />I WILL let Faith arise!!!!!!!!!! If you are still reading this, please pray that this will be my daily testimony, that I may never forget that I can NOT do anything without the strength of our Lord!! </div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="left">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08022807032199485599noreply@blogger.com1