Well, the last time I left you all, (can I say all? Do I have more than one follower?Mom/sister....are y'all the only ones?! LOL) I mentioned that Paul and I were, and have been trying for a family. We have been trying for about a year and a half now. Let me just start with this.......this is a REALLY hard blog to post. I know I'm putting it all on the line, and out there, and I'm prepared for any and all responses...but please be sensitive, as this is a very sensitive matter. I have always felt better when I write, and so why not document this journey that I KNOW God wants us to be on! So, here goes, from the beginning.
Paul and I met in October of 2006. It was at a Relay for Life Event that I was Co-Chair of. Paul was in the band we had play(we had a mutual friend) we literally had a whirlwind romance!! (you can Private Message me if you want all the details :)) We started dating in January, engaged by May, and Married 08-11-07. Paul is, without a doubt the love of my life...you already know this if you know us. We always said that we wanted to wait about 5 years before we started a family. We wanted time for Us especially since we didn't "date" a long time. And we have seen and done a lot, and I'm so appreciative, and grateful for those opportunities! However, at about the 4 year mark, I told Paul I really felt like we should start trying. I wanted to make sure everything was OK. I had in the back of my mind, that we may have a hard time...and boy was that intuition correct!
Fast forward to.....Monday January 21st...(OK, technically, that is rewinding, but I'm trying to get you all caught up..bare with me!)
OK-- The 21st, my OBGYN scheduled an HSG..if you don't know what this is, you can find it here http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590 We were very nervous, but excited to be finding out some answers. Did I mention we have been trying since about August of 2011? OK, so I had the procedure done, and the radiologist said my left Fallopian tube was blocked, and a day later my OBGYN confirmed. So, here we are, not great news, but not terrible! I spent this whole week going through so many emotions! Mostly, hopeful and positive...my parents came down, which was a HUGE stress reliever, and distraction, because we had an appointment with a fertility specialist on 1-28-13 Now, it's the evening of 1-28-13...so the news was not as we had hoped! Instead of one blocked Fallopian tube, they are both blocked! The fertility Dr. (who we loved) said I needed to do have a surgery called Laproscopy to see if there was anyway the Fallopian Tubes could be repaired. She said the chances of this are slim, and that our next step would be IVF.
I will (try) to keep everyone posted through the Blog....
I never in a million years thought I would be here in my life! I always had in the back of my mind that I would have a hard time since I was diabetic, but I never imagined it would be like this...but... I DO know God has a plan for us...and I can't wait to see what He has in store!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday, November 5, 2012
It Is Well
(**Disclaimer: This is the third of three blogs! This is the first one I've published! Please go read the first two so this one will make sense.)
Well, it's been a couple of months! I was going to try and blog at least once a month, but I missed October! Here's a little catch up: School has been crazy busy! But, at least that makes the year go by quickly..(not that I want it to) Anyways, I turned another year older! 28! EEKK! My actual birth DAY was terrible! Paul was sick, I had to attend a workshop in Austin by myself, I got pulled over, and got a ticket on the way home! Did you know it is illegal to stay in the far left lane on the TOLL ROAD if you aren't passing? Yeah, me neither! Anywho....The rest of the week turned out great! I have great friends, family, and students that all made it special for me! Paul took me to the iPic movie theatre at The Domain. Let me just say, we don't go to the movies often, but from now on, we will patroning this place! It was amazing! Thanks Paul, you once again have spoiled me! But, isn't that what you promised my Daddy you would do? ;)
I was able to attend the Women of Faith Conference in San Antonio with my amazing mom and sister! We had a terrific time, and the Lord really spoke to me while I was there. He taught me to quit being so selfish! I realized this world is not about me! It is about Him, and doing things according to HIS will! Not mine! I'm going to be really, brutally honest here...that is what a blog is all about, right? Well, I don't know if anyone noticed, but I took about a three week hiatus from Facebook. I did this because I felt like this is what God wanted me to do. It seemed like every time I logged on, I was seeing things that made me jealous, made me doubt the Lord, made me worry, it made me have feelings I KNEW I shouldn't have had. So, I took a time-out so that I could focus on the things The Lord wanted me to see. He showed me many things in this short time. He showed me that HE is in control, that it's OK to have certain feelings, but not to dwell on them! It's OK to ASK Him for healing and help. That is exactly what I did! I laid it all out on the table, well, really the alter...literally! I surrendered to what God's will is for me, and if that means not having a baby of my own, I'm OK with that. We're not giving up! Paul and I both are looking to the Lord for what His will is in our lives. But, just like the song we sang at church yesterday, It Is Well. It is well with my soul. I do have faith however, that God does have the perfect Farmer baby just for us! He is just waiting for the exact, perfect moment to bless us! God's timing is perfect. That is so reassuring to me! I'm not perfect, I'm still a work in progress, but it's so comforting to know that the Lord hasn't given up on me, I'm NOT going to give up on Him!!!!
Well, it's been a couple of months! I was going to try and blog at least once a month, but I missed October! Here's a little catch up: School has been crazy busy! But, at least that makes the year go by quickly..(not that I want it to) Anyways, I turned another year older! 28! EEKK! My actual birth DAY was terrible! Paul was sick, I had to attend a workshop in Austin by myself, I got pulled over, and got a ticket on the way home! Did you know it is illegal to stay in the far left lane on the TOLL ROAD if you aren't passing? Yeah, me neither! Anywho....The rest of the week turned out great! I have great friends, family, and students that all made it special for me! Paul took me to the iPic movie theatre at The Domain. Let me just say, we don't go to the movies often, but from now on, we will patroning this place! It was amazing! Thanks Paul, you once again have spoiled me! But, isn't that what you promised my Daddy you would do? ;)
I was able to attend the Women of Faith Conference in San Antonio with my amazing mom and sister! We had a terrific time, and the Lord really spoke to me while I was there. He taught me to quit being so selfish! I realized this world is not about me! It is about Him, and doing things according to HIS will! Not mine! I'm going to be really, brutally honest here...that is what a blog is all about, right? Well, I don't know if anyone noticed, but I took about a three week hiatus from Facebook. I did this because I felt like this is what God wanted me to do. It seemed like every time I logged on, I was seeing things that made me jealous, made me doubt the Lord, made me worry, it made me have feelings I KNEW I shouldn't have had. So, I took a time-out so that I could focus on the things The Lord wanted me to see. He showed me many things in this short time. He showed me that HE is in control, that it's OK to have certain feelings, but not to dwell on them! It's OK to ASK Him for healing and help. That is exactly what I did! I laid it all out on the table, well, really the alter...literally! I surrendered to what God's will is for me, and if that means not having a baby of my own, I'm OK with that. We're not giving up! Paul and I both are looking to the Lord for what His will is in our lives. But, just like the song we sang at church yesterday, It Is Well. It is well with my soul. I do have faith however, that God does have the perfect Farmer baby just for us! He is just waiting for the exact, perfect moment to bless us! God's timing is perfect. That is so reassuring to me! I'm not perfect, I'm still a work in progress, but it's so comforting to know that the Lord hasn't given up on me, I'm NOT going to give up on Him!!!!
It is well, it is well with my soul!
The following video is one I found on YouTube. It is not a professional taping, and I have no credit to this video.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
I Need Thee....EVERY hour!
Well, I guess it is apparent that God really speaks to me through music. Paul is working late tonight, and I'm trying to relax after a long day at work! I left for work at 7:00 this morning, and didn't get home until almost 8:00. I sat down on the couch thinking watching "my shows" would relax me, but I just couldn't turn off my brain. So, I went to my trusty iPhone, and turned on my music. The album that was playing was by a guy named Jadon Lavik. I scrolled through the songs on this album, and decided I wanted to hear "Turn Your Eyes", and wow!! Oh, soul are you weary and troubled? Yes, we all are! But when we
Turn our Eyes upon Jesus, and look FULL in his wonderful face,
the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His GLORY and GRACE!!
See, that is what God promises!! His Glory and Grace, if we turn our eyes upon HIM!!!
I have been struggling with some "friend" issues in the past couple of days. Nothing between me and the friend, but between friends....make sense? LOL, anyways, I'm not the confrontational kind of gal, but I am the peacemaker type of gal.(I could never be in The Hunger Games) And, when I feel like I can't "fix" something I get stressed, worried, anxious, and close to a panic attack..see, there I go again trying to "fix" things!! Well, there goes God again, telling me to Turn my Eyes Upon Him, and Surrender ALL to Him! He WILL fix this, in His way, and His timing. I just have to give it all to Him, and through His glory and grace all will be OK!
In case you are wondering what I'm listening to tonight, it is Jadon Lavik; Roots Run Deep. Go download it...Like..NOW!
Turn our Eyes upon Jesus, and look FULL in his wonderful face,
the things of earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His GLORY and GRACE!!
See, that is what God promises!! His Glory and Grace, if we turn our eyes upon HIM!!!
I have been struggling with some "friend" issues in the past couple of days. Nothing between me and the friend, but between friends....make sense? LOL, anyways, I'm not the confrontational kind of gal, but I am the peacemaker type of gal.(I could never be in The Hunger Games) And, when I feel like I can't "fix" something I get stressed, worried, anxious, and close to a panic attack..see, there I go again trying to "fix" things!! Well, there goes God again, telling me to Turn my Eyes Upon Him, and Surrender ALL to Him! He WILL fix this, in His way, and His timing. I just have to give it all to Him, and through His glory and grace all will be OK!
In case you are wondering what I'm listening to tonight, it is Jadon Lavik; Roots Run Deep. Go download it...Like..NOW!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Well, this is my first time to blog, so, be patient with me. I think I may have tried it before, but not sure that I actually published anything. So...here goes....
As most of you that are reading this know, Paul and I just celebrated our five year wedding anniversary!! I know! I can't believe it either. Five years ago, when Paul and I took the vow to be huband and wife, and to start this life that God had placed before us together, we were so very happy. And...five years later, we are even happier than I could have ever imagined. Now, I'm not saying we haven't had our differences, but, I know WITHOUT a doubt; Paul is the man God made for me!
Ok, ok, enough of the sappy stuff. :) Not only did Paul and I vow our love, and commitment for each other five years ago, but, we also said that we would start trying to have children when we had been married for five years. Of course, being the impatient person I am (I'm working on that) I wanted to try sooner. So, a little over a year ago, we stopped "not preventing." I sit here five years, one week, and one day into our marriage, and no baby. I have felt sorry for myself, I have questioned God, I have been bitter, angry, sad, confused, and hopless. I have faith, and I believe this will happen in God's timing. However, it is much easier said than done. I go through so many emotions on any given day. Some days, I'm fine, some days I feel sorry for myself. Like I said, this has been a roller coaster for me. But, this morning in church, we watched Louie Giglio's Symphony video. At first, I really didn't think the message was for me, until I heard Chris Tomlin's song, "I Lift My Hands" Now, I have heard this song many times before, I'm a big Chris Tomlin fan ( I saw him back in 1998 in Archer City, TX....oh sorry, my ADD is kicking in...) Like I said I have heard this song many times, but this morning, it really, really spoke to me....here are the lyrics:
As most of you that are reading this know, Paul and I just celebrated our five year wedding anniversary!! I know! I can't believe it either. Five years ago, when Paul and I took the vow to be huband and wife, and to start this life that God had placed before us together, we were so very happy. And...five years later, we are even happier than I could have ever imagined. Now, I'm not saying we haven't had our differences, but, I know WITHOUT a doubt; Paul is the man God made for me!
Ok, ok, enough of the sappy stuff. :) Not only did Paul and I vow our love, and commitment for each other five years ago, but, we also said that we would start trying to have children when we had been married for five years. Of course, being the impatient person I am (I'm working on that) I wanted to try sooner. So, a little over a year ago, we stopped "not preventing." I sit here five years, one week, and one day into our marriage, and no baby. I have felt sorry for myself, I have questioned God, I have been bitter, angry, sad, confused, and hopless. I have faith, and I believe this will happen in God's timing. However, it is much easier said than done. I go through so many emotions on any given day. Some days, I'm fine, some days I feel sorry for myself. Like I said, this has been a roller coaster for me. But, this morning in church, we watched Louie Giglio's Symphony video. At first, I really didn't think the message was for me, until I heard Chris Tomlin's song, "I Lift My Hands" Now, I have heard this song many times before, I'm a big Chris Tomlin fan ( I saw him back in 1998 in Archer City, TX....oh sorry, my ADD is kicking in...) Like I said I have heard this song many times, but this morning, it really, really spoke to me....here are the lyrics:
Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak
Let faith arise
Let faith arise
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me
So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak
Let faith arise
Let faith arise
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
Be still, there is a river
That flows from Calvary's tree
A fountain for the thirsty
Pure grace that washes over me
So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes
Open my eyes
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God
You are faithful, God, forever
WOW!!! Are you in tears as I was when you really listen, and read the lyrics? Let them speak to you.....go ahead, go on over to youtube so you can really hear the song..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TX2s1Ptar4Y look! I even posted the link... you're welcome. :) I think the line:
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
Is what really, really spoke to me. See, I have a pretty strong personality. If you are really close to me, this comes as no suprise. So, I often find myself being able to handle everything on my own, well..."thinking" I can handle everything on my own. But you know, what? I can't!! As I sit here and pour out all of these things to you,( I have also poured these things out to the Lord) I hope you remeber, as I was once again reminded this morning, God is our refuge HE is our strength! God is faithful, FOREVER!!!!
I WILL let Faith arise!!!!!!!!!! If you are still reading this, please pray that this will be my daily testimony, that I may never forget that I can NOT do anything without the strength of our Lord!!
I WILL let Faith arise!!!!!!!!!! If you are still reading this, please pray that this will be my daily testimony, that I may never forget that I can NOT do anything without the strength of our Lord!!
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